Look, I am really sorry you are heading into the worst weekend of your life. I’d try to warn you, tell you what sorts of people, places and things to avoid, but fate doesn’t work that way. You’ll either ignore me completely, thinking I’m some sort of psycho, or you’ll adjust your plans and fate will adjust right back. It’s inevitable. Might-as-well have some games along for the ride. Do they make fireproof phone cases? Oh, no reason.

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